Insecure
by Kawaii Youjo Kira
Summary: When they thought things couldn't get any worse, they each find something inside of themselves that would scare any homophobic. Sasame and Hayate pairing. Rated for LEMON, language, and... would you call this angst? CHAPTER TWO IS UP!
1. Chapter 1

Yay, it's the opening chapter to the Pretear fic

Yay, it's the opening chapter to the Pretear fic! Now unlike the DN Angel one (hope it isn't that catastrophic and disastrous... am I exaggerating?) it takes place AFTER the books/shows. I am changing one thing, though. Himeno... never wakes up to Hayate's kiss. Aww, how sad. xDDD

Now I have a warning. This is strictly YAOI, and therefore I am rating it R. Again, unlike DN Angel, I know what is going to happen, and I know the amount of citrus and the timing and place of it, as well, and so the rating is for graphic yaoi-ness in later chapters, language, and possible violence. Now if you like Himeno much, (or Takako, for that matter) then I just suggest that you get outa here. I know what it's like to love the whole HimenoxHayate thing, but now... you know what? It's boring me. This fic is basically getting rid of them. Come on, you can't have a yaoi with GIRLS as the main characters! Alright, I've given enough away as it is. Please read, and enjoy. And by the way, I own NONE of the characters from Pretear. If I did, then the books would have been all guys to begin with!! xDDD

Chapter 1

(TAKAKO POV)

I watched, eyes wide, as Hayate lowered his lips to her cool, non-living ones. Sacrificing herself... to save them... it was almost more than I could bear. In that one second... the second in which the knight of wind's lips brushed over his white princess's, I knew that there was no competition between the two of us. She had done nothing but good... I, nothing but evil. Hayate could never love anyone but her, and even as her death slipped between his fingers, he would never forget her. It was obvious to me now. He loved her, and I could never, ever, love anyone but him.

Even with Sasame at my side.

(HAYATE POV)

I pressed my lips to Himeno's, desperately, as it was my last hope at seeing her smiling, blushing expression again. I had never liked cheesy fairy tales, you know which I mean. The prince kisses the princess, and she is magically brought back to life, or awakened, or... something. I couldn't help but try... after all, my life had been a sort of fairy tale so far. Especially after I met Himeno. She was my best friend-- always there for me, even when she didn't know she was helping me relieve my notorious anger... but she would never do that again. She would never do anything again. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I grieved for my friend... who had given her life for ours.

(Author's Note: I'm not quite sure whose lives Himeno saved... because the shows and the books were different, but for the sake of argument, let's say she saved Hayate, Sasame, Takako, and Shin. 'Kay?

Also, I'm going to let everyone live in apartments... like the ones in which their houses were left unmentioned in the shows? Like I know they're suppose to live in that tree thing, but I think separate apartments will help the storyline. Sorry!)

It was stormy that night... did a storm always have to come when something terrible happened? I lay on my back in my bed, the lightning momentarily lighting up the room so bright that everything looked white. Yet then it became black again... pitch black. Power outage. I wanted to sleep, to escape my mind if only for a few hours... but I soon realized this was an impossible feat. I sat up in my bed, my thoughts filled with the frail, limp body of Himeno... so lifeless... tears streaked my cheeks and refilled the now dry salty lines running down my face. How could she have given up... so easily... for us? For me?

A loud DING DONG (laughs head off and thinks of German song) echoed throughout the apartment, temporarily interrupting my thoughts. I stood up groggily... who would be crazy enough to venture out in this storm? I mean, you'd have to take a boat to get anywhere on these streets. Curious, I opened the door.

Standing, back slightly hunched, was the night of sound, Sasame. Or was it Ex-knight? I wasn't sure any more. All I knew was that he'd have to be crazy to swim all the way over to my apartment building (by the way, I'm exaggerating, it's not flooding...) and on top of that, he must've climbed ten story's worth of stairs, seeing as the elevator was broken. I felt my expression change to that of surprise and curiosity, and I just stood there gaping at my midnight visitor.

His chin-length white hair was soaked, hanging over his eyes and dripping down his neck. His usual white cloak and outfit had been replaced with that of a formal, silky, now sopping black shirt and black dress pants, which were clinging to his hips and thighs. As I evaluated him, my eyes scanning his generally washed-up appearance, I couldn't help but notice how he not only looked ragged and tired, but his tight clothes combined with the messy hair made him look... what was the word I was looking for? I wasn't gay, so of course the words cute... hot... sexy... didn't appear in my mind... of course they didn't!

"Hey," Sasame said in his calm, patient voice that so many couldn't help but fall in love with. For a moment, if only a second, Himeno's image escaped my mind. It was a very short second. I soon realized how much pain and agony I heard mixed into this one syllable word, and it deeply troubled me. What could be wrong with him?

I stepped to the side, allowing the drenched man to walk past me into my apartment, though as soon as he did, I felt a hot blush creep into my cheeks. I hadn't cleaned my home in weeks, so everything was a complete and utter wreck. The navy blue couch was covered with wrappers and dishes, and the floor was littered with miscellaneous books, clothes, and other strange artifacts. I watched my friend carefully, but his expression did not change from that of careful apathy.

"Sorry... about the mess..."

Sasame continued to walk through the junk towards the back of the apartment, and my room. I followed, a twinge of annoyance knicking me as he continued to practically ignore me. When he entered my room, which was in pretty much the same state as the rest of the apartment, he sat on the bed, his elbows on his knees, stared at the floor. I sat next to him, my eyes practically bugging out of their sockets. He looked like a fallen angel...

"Sasame?"

He tilted his head a couple of centimeters in my direction... not the response I was looking for, but at least it was something.

"Sasame... what's wrong? What happened? Why are you here? And in this storm..." the questions poured out of my mouth, a hint of concern tugging at the edge of my voice. It disoriented me to see Sasame, of all people... out of shape. He was usually so composed.

"Hayate..." he whispered. What the hell was wrong with this guy?

(SASAME POV)

I whispered his name, feeling the syllables roll off my tongue. I needed someone right now... someone to understand the feelings I was feeling right now. I side-glanced into his face, saw the shocked expression hit his face. His long, black hair was tossed around and sticking up in odd places... no doubt a result of lack of sleep. He wore a black T-Shirt and dark blue jeans... both of which hung off of his thin frame and threatened to fall off at any minute. I noticed his tear-soaked cheeks... a result of Himeno's death? I had never been sure of their relationship... they argued like lovers, but the way he looked at her... I never saw as much as a loving glance from Hayate to Himeno. She, on the other hand, seemed to lust over him, but I do not think she loved him strongly enough to start that kind of a relationship.

"Sasame," Hayate said, "Did something happen?" He knew that I had a decent friendship with Himeno, but he also had known me long enough to understand that I didn't get torn up over the death of friends. I didn't know why, but it didn't usually bother me. We were all going to die some time, right? But the keyword here was usually. It was in fact, a death... a horrible suicide... that was making me restless and depressed. Even if not the one that Hayate had in mind.

"Takako..." I whispered, and then something inside of me snapped. Tears began to flow relentlessly down my cheeks, sobs shook my shoulders. She was gone... gone... forever.

I handed Hayate the crinkled, smudged note that I had been gripping in my hand the entire time, not having enough willpower to tell the story myself. I continued to weep as Hayate's eyes scanned the paper.

Sasame,

I am so sorry to have to do this to you. You were always so kind to me... but who am I kidding? I am a wicked, selfish woman... one who can do nothing but inflict pain on those I love most. By the time you read this, my greedy heart will have shuddered to its last beat. Goodbye.

Takako

After a moment, I felt something extremely unexpected. Hayate's arms snaked around my neck from the side, his hands both dangling lazily off the edge of my right shoulder. I felt my eyes widen, and a jolt in my stomach woke me from my depressed reverie. What was he doing? His lips grazed my earlobe, and I heard a soft whisper in my ear.

"I'm... so sorry. I can't believe... she would go and..." he didn't finish the sentence, obviously not wanting to hurt me any more. But... he was, wasn't he? How could he confuse me like this, embrace me in such a way...

My lips parted slightly, a chill running down my back. Wasn't this what I had wanted for all these years?

No! I didn't want Hayate, I wanted Takako! To see her smile...

Don't lie to yourself, a voice in the back of my head said. You know she was only a distraction...

No! I love Takako! I must've been… confused those years ago. Yeah.

You confused yourself. You convinced yourself that Hayate wouldn't accept you...

No! There's nothing to accept! I'm... in love... with...

(HAYATE'S POV)

I wrapped my arms tighter around Sasame's neck, trying my best to console him. It was so awful... you don't know how painful... to see him broken like this. A crushed Sasame... that's like a humble Kai or a mellow Himeno. Himeno! Had I truly forgotten her... for more than a second?

Sasame just continued to stare at the ground, apparently battling with himself about something. Every few seconds a trace of a frown would be revealed on his face. At least it seemed like his tears were beginning to slow. A bright flash of lightning lit the room, momentarily illuminating his figure.

After a thirty-second-lifetime, Sasame seemed to finally make up his mind. A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, so strange in contrast to the tears that were beginning to dry on his cheeks. He ever so slowly turned his head towards mine, tilted his head back... and pressed his lips passionately against mine?!

Now wait a second. Not a minute before this, Sasame was grieving over the loss of his true love, Takako... and then he suddenly turns to me and kisses me? My mind was vaguely disgusted... Sasame was a guy, and I was as straight as you can get... not to mention the almost brotherly bond between the leafe knights... but my body had other ideas.

I felt myself responding to his kiss, arching my back and sinking my hands into his snowy white hair. I was kneeling on the bed, so when my back dipped down, I felt a bit like a cat. I felt Sasame's hands wrapping around my waist, pulling me out of my cat-stance and pressing my body against his. He ran one of his hands over my pony-tail, pulling the elastic out of my hair and allowing a black curtain to fall around our faces. His tongue traced my lips, and I let out a soft moan from the newfound intimate contact. Sasame took advantage of the situation and I felt his tongue prodding mine, going deeper and deeper into my mouth as he intensified the hungry kiss. My conscience had stopped working a while ago; hell, my BRAIN stopped working. All I knew was Sasame, his body, his tongue, his hands running up and down my chest...

I was starting to get dizzy. I hadn't taken one breath since the beginning of the... kiss... and quite frankly, my lungs were begging for air. I reluctantly pulled away, gasping, and I saw Sasame's shoulders rising and falling, indicating that he was in the same breathless state that I was.

"What... the hell... was... that...?" I gasped, not caring any more how needy he was right now. I wasn't gay. I couldn't be gay. It was just...

So amazing.

The thunder rumbled on outside, though much farther away now. I heard the rain pitter pattering on the roof.

I stood up, my head now somewhat clear. I needed to get out of Sasame's intoxicating presence, put my mind on something else...

I stumbled out of the room, into the living room, and flipped the TV on. At least I tried, but soon remembered the power outage. So I just sat on the couch, my mind merely a minute away. A minute back in time...

So how'd you like it? I'm finding it much easier to write when I know what's going to happen... and have literally all night to write it... xD

I find it extremely satisfying to write yaoi citrus, but I don't want to put a lemon in the first chapter. I think that for this one, there will be at least one citrus in each chapter, since I'm just in that kind of mood... ;-)

Next chapter, I promise, will be up before the week ends. Kay?


	2. Chapter 2

Yeeps, it's Friday already

Yeeps, it's Friday already! I've been so busy on my DN Angel fanfic that I almost forgot I had a Prétear one… Here's the second chapter, as promised, and I hope it makes sense. I know that sometimes I can get carried away and start to write… then I see things in my mind and don't write about them…

I've decided to change the storyline from my original plan, so they still don't know their love for one another that only a true yaoi fangirl (or fanguy, I guess… ) would understand.

Please R&R. It really helps to get reviews, and it makes me want to write more. And I love flames, as always, so everybody hate all you want!!

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(Sasame POV)

I lay back on Hayate's bed, inhaling the smells of fresh linens and… vanilla? The rain continued to pour relentlessly down on the roof and windows, a distant thunder rumbling in the distance. The darkness was everywhere, since the power outage, and I could barely make out the shapes of my best friend's apartment.

Why had I done that? Kissing my friend… was probably the biggest mistake of my life. I was so insecure, so depressed, I was willing to look anywhere for comfort. But now he was ignoring me, despite the fact that he was somewhere in the apartment… his apartment… and I wasn't sure if our friendship would be able to carry on like normal. I had a decent excuse for my actions… but still, I wasn't likely to forget it, as I'm sure Hayate wasn't either. I sighed, worried that he was going to hate me now.

I wasn't sure if I should leave, or jump out the window, or what. It was a ten-story-building, but for some reason all of the knights can fly even if they don't have wind power to help them, so I suppose I could travel on sound waves or something to make it safely to the bottom. (xD)

I decided that I should just grit my teeth and talk to him, since I was going to have to face him eventually anyway. I heaved myself off of the bed, my thoughts flitting back to Takako.

Was I not good enough for her or something? I had thrown my life away for her, lost my friends and… and, in turn, my heart. I didn't have the guts to go look for her body, for that would be unbearable. I couldn't imagine the pain it would bring, to see her cold waxy body, her half parted lips that would never laugh the high, sweet notes she did before. What could've propelled her to… but I wouldn't even think it. I didn't want the pain… but the pain was already here. It was consuming me, eating at my very soul. I was nothing without my Takako.

I trudged out towards the living room, the tears escaping the corners of my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and dripping off of my chin. I stopped walking, and leaned back against the hall wall, (hehe, that sounds cool…) sliding down to sit on my butt. I covered my face with my hands, leaning my elbows on my knees. I sat in this crunched-up position for who knows how long, sobbing.

And that's when I heard the voice.

"Sasame?" It was barely a whisper, from somewhere far off in the distance. I didn't look up, but that voice did sound somewhat familiar…

"Sasame!" It was closer now, maybe above me, or beside me… "Sasame, are you okay?"

No. I'm not okay. I might as well be dead. At least in death I wouldn't have to feel this unbearable pain… (AN: I'm listening to an Evanescence album right now, so this might be a little dark… xDD)

"Sasame, come on. Please, just say something… I'm so sorry, if I did anything…"

That's when it hit me. It was the night of wind speaking to me. Hayate. I looked up at him in my obvious state of patheticness, tears rolling down my cheeks and lips pulled down in a pout.

"Hayate…"

It was just like before I was sobbing, Hayate was trying to console me… but I didn't want that to happen again. I didn't want to kiss him, I couldn't stand to see his disappointment when it was over…

He stood crouched in front of me, one knee kneeling between my feet and his foot about at an angle under my knee. I wanted him to go away, to stop tempting me… I wanted to die right now, so as to not be a burden to anyone any longer. Hayate was my only link to reality left, which was why I had come here in the first place. I didn't want to cut him off from me too…

But after all that… after deciding that I was going to get out of there as soon as I could so as not to tempt myself, I felt Hayate lean up against my chest. His hands propped him up, one on either side of me.

"Sasame," he whispered, resting his head on my chest, "I… I'm not sure how I should put this. I… need you right now. I need you, here with me… Himeno's death was such a shock to me… I need you."

My eyes widened as I listened to Hayate's seductive whisper. What was he implying?

"What exactly… to you mean by that, Hayate?" I whispered as I lowered my head to rest sideways on my chest next to his, gazing into his eyes, which I noticed were also tear-filled. He reached up, stretching his neck so as to kiss my lips passionately. It was so wonderful… to have him initiate the kiss… even if it was only a one-night kind of thing. I think he was trying to tell me that his feelings for me stopped at friendship, as I'm pretty sure mine did… or might have…

Hayate deepened the kiss, running his tongue over mine and wrapping his hands around my neck. I closed my eyes, allowing the wave of pleasure to flood over me as our clothed members rubbed against one another's.

Hayate's hands traced my back; stopping at my shirt seam, then lightly grabbed the bottom. He stopped there, seeming to ask for my permission. I replied by sliding further down the wall, which resulted in bunching my shirt up around my stomach, and also creating friction between our erections. We moaned in unison, but our cries were drowned out by a loud crack of thunder from somewhere nearby.

Hayate pushed my silky black shirt farther up my chest, then his hands began playing with my nipples. (AN: Everyone who actually writes Fanfiction, I do not suggest you use first person from the uke's point of view. It is extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY hard whoops, I mean difficult to portray the emotions. But I decided to give it a go, tell me how awful it is!!)

"Sasame…" Hayate whispered after he had slipped my shirt over my head and I had done the same for him, "You don't know… how much… you're helping me. You just feel so good…"

I inhaled sharply as Hayate's teeth bit down lightly on my neck… again and again… eventually leaving a red mark.

"I'm so confused… you don't know how confused…"

His tongue traced my skin lower, down to my nipple, which he licked, bit…

"What… do you want to do now?" Hayate whispered into my chest, his arms wrapping themselves around my waist.

"I want you… Hayate…"

"What do you want me to do?" He repeated. I think we both knew what I wanted him to do…

"Please, Hayate, I want you…"

"Where?" Hayate whispered playfully, his hands skimming my chest and stomach, finally resting on my pants seam. I sighed as his thumbs hooked around my belt loops, lightly tugging down. After a few more seconds, my slacks had disappeared along with my boxers, and Hayate's hand traced the inside of my thigh, making my already-hard member tense up even more.

"H-Hayate…"

Before long, we both lay there, our bodies completely naked and entangled, no wall remaining undestroyed. We held no secrets from one another; our minds were one. I could not think of a more life-fulfilling experience. As I sat schlumped up against Hayate's hall-wall, with my best friend's lips attached to my throat, I could only think one thing. Why had it taken me so long to realize what I needed? It was like finding the other half of myself after years and years of an empty hole in my heart.

Hayate's lips brushed in a line down my chest, licking down my stomach, and he reached the base of my member. (AN: Again, it's REALLY HARD to write from uke!!) I propped myself up on my hands as Hayate wrapped his arms around my waist.

My breath caught in my throat as I felt Hayate's tongue trace my hard length, nearly sending me over the edge. He reached the tip, kissing it lightly, then took it in his mouth, bobbing his head up and down. I moaned, a wave of pure bliss flooding over me. It was so… right.

As Hayate sped up, my need for release increased at an alarming rate. My breathing accelerated, making my head swim and my vision blurry. I clutched tightly at Hayate's long, black hair, arching my back and literally screaming Hayate's name as I came. He swallowed most of the seed, but leaned up and pressed his lips to mine, allowing me to taste the salty substance that now filled his mouth.

"Hayate…" I whispered, wrapping my arms around his back.

"What do you want to do now?" He said again, his lips at my ear.

"Hayate… I want you to… to fuck me."

He seemed to be slightly taken aback at my straightforwardness, but didn't complain. I felt his cheek lift against my neck as he smiled, then sat up a bit, which rubbed our members together once again. I tensed up immediately, despite the recent release. Hayate's fingers traced up my chest, then stopped as they reached my lips.

"I don't have any lotion, and I'm pretty sure this will hurt a lot if it's not a little slick," he whispered, and I understood what he wanted.

I took his fingers in my mouth, weaving my tongue in between them and lightly biting down. After a few seconds, Hayate removed his fingers and moved them behind us. He pressed his lips against mine, immediately slipping his tongue inside once again, and then pushed one of his fingers up my ass.

"Unngh…" I moaned as he stuck a second in, moving in a scissoring motion, stretching me as far as he could. After a minute or two of getting used to this, a third entered, and I all but yelled. It really hurt, and felt kind of uncomfortable at first, but the longer he was in me, the better it began to feel.

"Hayate… please… it's… unnngh…"

Hayate smirked, then removed them about halfway, only to slide them lightly back in again.

When he removed them the second time, this time all the way, I was slightly disappointed as I felt the amazing feeling disappear. Then Hayate's hands wrapped around my thighs, opening them wider still, as he slowly began to press his member into my entrance.

I, on the other hand, was getting a bit impatient. I wanted to feel him inside of me, to sigh in pleasure as his hard length was slammed into my body…

"Aah…" I bucked my hips forward, ramming Hayate into my ass with such force that we both moaned in unison. My knees were straddling Hayate's ribcage, and my I felt my erection rub against his stomach. Hayate pulled halfway out of me, only to slam back into me, hard. He hit my prostate, and I moaned in both agony and pleasure.

"Ugh… ungh… ugh…" we both moaned with each thrust, the sheer bliss engulfing us and driving our every action. Each shove was harder, deeper… each reaching a new level of pleasure that couldn't be topped until the next came.

Hayate sped up, pulling out and slamming back in faster and faster each time, and then reached up and began to pump my member in time with his rhythmic thrusts. After a few pumps, I was sent over the edge, spraying seed across my friend's stomach. My back arched and my ass tightened, and with the next slam into me, Hayate came as well. He collapsed on top of me, gasping and panting, completely exhausted.

After a few seconds of rest, Hayate leaned up and pressed his lips lightly against mine, so sweet and passionate in comparison to the intensity of previous activities. I leaned into the kiss, but broke it as the loudest crack of thunder yet shuddered through my eardrums. The light arrived at the same time as the sound, a silver lining around Hayate's face and hair.

I glanced out the window. "Hey, do you mind if I stay here tonight?"

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Hmmm, well, it's either really good, or completely sucky, I can't tell which. I've never done a chapter that's completely lemon and no storyline, so will you please R&R, give me some feedback, so that I can know what, if anything, to do differently in the future? I support constructive criticism!! Also, if you have a good idea for the storyline, let me know. I have some things I'm planning on, but I really need some suggestions!! Kthx!!


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